summer is bringing breezes that cool the heat of my skin, and brighten the skies with moonlight that hurts my eyes. the clouds are mesmerizing. such an unbelievable beauty that floats right above the mundane disappointment of a tuesday night spent too late at work. it makes me so glad to be alive, summer does. it stretches my heart with aching, quiet angst. it makes me feel like i am in silence, even as i cross a busy intersection, alive with bright red and green traffic lights, headlights, and cars on agenda, quickly rushing by. i want to stop to enjoy it, to fully FEEL it. i want to stretch my imagination, my creativity, to include the beauty of this moment, to wrap it and deliver it, transformed somehow, into someone else's possibility.
the warmth of the night makes me feel as if it will never grow too late.
i can feel the branches, the leaves of the trees, stretching to enjoy the air.
fragrance wafts through the air- cut grass, flowers, garlic, asphalt.
sleep weighs my eyelids down in the afternoon. i use all my skills to maintain appearances of coherence, but when i turn to a friend, my defenses come down and a sentence comes out backwards.
and at night i revel in my free time.
i am amassing a library of books i will read. i dug out some old japanese modern lit from earl jackson's class in good old santa cruz. i ordered a book on the history of the indus river. i will finally read shantaram. i eat leftovers from my mother's kitchen, and i cook cold japanese noodles and eat them with tofu and salad.
i am going to dream of my future tonight.