Friday, March 13, 2009

Thoughts

Yeah, the trip has really changed me- introspectively, philosophically. I:m in the final stretch now, and I never could have predicted the point to which I:ve come! It took me a couple of months to leave my previous state of mind. Now I have been wrenched into another reality. Actually, another way to say it would be that I have gotten to know my self better. I look at the model of job, marriage, children, house, etc and feel like it is an ideal dream, something I more-than-half-but-not-quite-whole-heartedly aspired to but didn:t really know how to get started getting. Is it really for me? I still want security and a family, but in my style. And I can:t limit myself to waiting or hoping.
I think this marks another stage of growing up. I don:t think there:s a particular age at which people learn this- I just came to this stage later. And with much introspection. I:ve always been a late bloomer! I mean, what:s so innovative about realizing that you are unique, and that no one else is going to live life the way you do? And then taking that idea and running with it, not worrying about the way other people have lived their lives, or being sideswiped by your own expectations of how you think you should live yours. Basically, there are more things I want out of life, and I know they aren:t going to happen unless I make it happen.
Do I prefer loneliness and a path less traveled than a stable, settled family life? I:m not too into the loneliness part, but I don:t want to `settle`. I don:t think I am going to settle down in any conventional way, and now I have to figure out how I will do it.
For now I:m planning to come back to LA (I may still decide to prolong the return- not sure yet) and start working (of course). First bill comes due in May. (Unless I postpone it, which is possible).
Here:s to the world, and how small it is, and the possiblities that travel opens up, here:s to the future! Here:s to life!

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